I did it. I hired a cleaning service. They are going to come through and scrub the place top to bottom. It still won't look like Better Homes and Gardens but at least it won't be totally nasty. I can even afford to have them come in twice a month. I also hired someone to come in and clean out the garden. It's gotten totally over grown in the last year.
I finally got it through my head that I don't even begin to have time to do these things. It's called denial. Whats more, I don't even want to. This will make life easier and I can concentrate on rebuilding my life.
I have a lot to do this weekend to get the place ready for cleaning. There are lots of boxes I have to put into storage and things to throw out. I have a mission and a deadline. Good incentive. The car goes into the shop for maintenance so I won't be able to wander off.
I cleared one area this evening. Tomorrow the rest of the kitchen. I give myself permission to relax a bit before bed.